Untwist God’s Word

Once again I am faced with the question… What should I write about? I don’t have anything helpful to say right now (and then I proceeded to write the post below 😆). The world is chaotic, it always has been, it always will be. Being a history major has helped me to see the world in a different way. And because of my faith, I see God’s work throughout it. I wish I could say I see God in every point of history, but I’m only human. That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t at least try.

The same mindset can be used in the present. There are so many things I wish God would just change, right now. But… He hasn’t. I don’t know why, but I’m trusting that everything will be okay. After all, He works all things together for the good of those who love Him.

I bet you’re thinking it was just “He works all things together for good.” It’s incredibly important to read the Bible for yourself. Read Romans 8:28 if you don’t believe me. And while you’re at it, read I Corinthians 10:13. This is the famous verse people misunderstand as the idea that God won’t give you more than you can handle. If we all believed that, we’d be in so much trouble.

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God does give us more than we can handle because we aren’t meant to handle it. We’re meant to cast all our cares on Him (I Peter 5:7). We’re meant to rely on the strength of Jesus (Philippians 4:13). That’s another verse that is often misquoted. I mean, it’s incredibly satisfying to think, “I can do all things,” but that’s not what the Bible says. Just like the quote “The Lord helps those who help themselves” is nowhere in the Bible. It was coined by Benjamin Franklin (who was not a Christian, by the way). And the famous line Abraham Lincoln is known for, “A house divided against itself cannot stand,” is actually a Bible verse (Mark 3:25)!

All this to say that people often twist the truth and fail to look at things from different angles. What if we all decided to fact-check things for ourselves? What if we learned to forgive as the Lord forgives? What if… I can go on and on. But if you believe in the Bible, and pursue knowledge and wisdom, you know it’s rarely helpful to ask “what if?” The only times you should is when you’re weighing your next action: What if I took that job? What if I sent my kids to that school? What if I showed kindness?

The entire law of the Bible can be summed up in one statement: You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself (Luke 10:27). Seek God’s kingdom and His righteousness first, and all your basic human needs (food, shelter, and clothing) will be added to you (Matthew 6:33). Know that the Lord is God; He created us, the sheep of His pasture (Psalm 100:3). And as His sheep, we know He is a good shepherd (John 10:14).

They say the person whose Bible is falling apart usually isn’t. I know it’s not in the Bible, but I believe it to be true anyway. Take time to rest in God and read His word, to know that He is working, even if we can’t see it. For people look at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart (I Samuel 16:7).

~Beth

Fanciful Flying

Anna watched the workers welding the massive skeleton of the Hindenburg together. She had been with her father enough times to know this was going to be a massive airship with many improvements from the famous Graf Zeppelin. The cabins were going to be heated this time, and the balloon was going to hold helium instead of the troublesome hydrogen. The interior wasn’t going to be as elegant, but no one seemed to mind much.

“I want to ride,” Anna said to her father. She had a day off from school to join him on the airship’s construction site.

“When you’re older,” he said with a smile.

Anna continued watching, but her mind drifted. Slowly, the workers disappeared; the sound was that of the air and birds, and the airship was ready to take flight.

Before she knew it, Anna was three feet taller and covered in a sheer dress the color of midnight. Her long, brown hair was pinned up into a bun and on her wrists, fingers, and neck hung silver jewelry with bright diamonds, glinting in the sun.

She stepped up the stairs into the airship’s passenger decks. Inside she was awestruck. The walls of the dining and writing rooms were a creme color with charming little scenes painted on them: an airship flying over the earth; flamingos standing in water; a horse and its rider approaching the gates to a castle. There were walk areas alongside the windows where she could look down and see the chaotic yet beautiful world below.

In the lounge stood a baby grand piano where lively but soft tunes were played. People dressed as finely as Anna talked amid the music, creating an atmosphere of novel friendliness. One couple stood to dance, and Anna watched on in sweet bliss.

She considered exploring the smoking deck, but even in her dreams, she felt too young to be allowed. The cabins, however, seemed to call her. The idea of sleeping on air among the clouds was enchanting, but a young man in a black bow tie and tuxedo approached her. He extended his hand to her. She took it and stepped onto the impromptu dance floor with him.

They swayed and twirled and stepped lightly. Anna kept her shoulders straight, turning her head with each new direction they took. Her heart leaped within her. She had always wanted to move as gracefully as the grown-ups around her did. Now, she was. And the idea that she was dancing in the sky was enchanting. When the music ended, Anna curtsied and the man bowed.

Anna took the time to use the writing room where she composed a letter to her mother about all the excitement she experienced on the delightful airship her father helped create. She wished they could join her, but she knew her mother was busy with her siblings, and her father was busy building other airships, perhaps as wonderful as this one.

When she sealed the letter, she heard her name called. She stood to look for the owner of the voice. She followed it to the bar, but no one was there. It called again, and she went to the dining room. Still, no one recognized her. Once more and she returned to the lounge. Again, when no one approached her, she walked to the promenade and looked out the window. Her father was standing on a cloud, waving at her.

Anna shut her eyes and shook her head. She opened them again. She was standing with her father at the construction site again. The workers still worked on the airship, and she was still a child. The corners of her mouth fell.

“What’s wrong, Anna?” her father asked. “Where did you go this time?”
Her smile returned as she said, “The clouds.”


Author’s note: I originally wrote this story as a little girl daydreaming about any random airship. It was far more fanciful than was realistic. However, I found the real airship even more fascinating. All the rooms described were real. The Hindenburg was basically the German Titanic of the skies.

If you would like to learn more about the controversial and ominous history of the Hindenburg or even the history of the Graf Zeppelin, visit Airships.net where you can see pictures of the passenger and crew decks. This is the website I gathered the information for the story above, which I hope you enjoyed!

~Beth

Prayer

What is prayer? How do you do it? How often should you do it? Is it really as powerful as people say? These are the questions I want to look at today. I would like to specify that I will be talking about Christian prayer. In case you want to know what kind of Christian I am, I believe in one God who created everything, who has no beginning and no end, who begot one son named Jesus Christ, who was fully God and fully human, who died on the cross to take away the sins of the world, who rose back to life after three days, and who is alive in heaven. Now, let’s talk about prayer.

What is prayer?

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To me, prayer is communication with God. He sees our every movement and listens to our every thought and spoken word. When I say it like that it’s almost creepy. Haha! At the same time, it seems comforting, if you believe that God loves you in spite of your darkest thoughts and worst deeds. He could have blasted you from the face of the earth at any time for the things you’ve done you don’t want anyone to know about, but He chooses not to.

You might wonder, if God knows all that, then why should I talk to Him? Talking to God isn’t necessarily about letting Him know things. It’s about relationship. A movie I really like, Pacific Rim, is a great example: there are giant alien monsters attacking earth, and humans have giant monster-fighting robots that are piloted by two people simultaneously. To make sure the duo works well together, their minds are linked through the drift: each pilot knows everything about the other, past memories and current thoughts. One duo is a father and son who don’t get along outside the drift. When they reconcile, they apologize for not saying certain things, for not taking the time to nurture their relationship. It seemed to them there was no need to because they knew everything about the other, but in the end, they realized it didn’t matter. They still needed to talk.

Another reason prayer is good is because it helps you put your own thoughts and feelings into words. Studies in psychology have shown that writing out your thoughts, fears, joys, trauma, and triumphs helps you deal with them. It helps you release tensions or understand things in a different more healthy way. The same can be said when praying. But the most beautiful thing about communication with God is that He understands the groaning of your heart when you can’t speak (read the story of Hannah in I Samuel 1 to see what I mean. It’s my favorite story Bible story).

How do you do it?

I don’t believe there is really a right or wrong way to pray. There have been so many versions throughout the centuries across all cultures and religions, even in different Christian denominations. Personally, I believe there are two important ways to pray: Chat (yes, you read that right, chat, not chant) and discourse.

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I like to chat with God about little things here and there. This is informal, quick, and random. It may be about a little thing that I saw or heard or maybe just a “please help that person” kind of prayer. It’s sort of like quickly texting a friend. It’s simple, comforting, and acknowledging His presence. I don’t usually do chat prayer out loud. About 90% of them are in my head. I might consider my meal blessing a prayer chat, or my nightly and morning prayers as chat prayers. This just keeps me in contact with Him in a friendly way.

I engage in discourse when I am deeply troubled or know that I’m drifting and need to focus on God. This is the time I go into deep conversation with Him, when I spend time cultivating our relationship. This may or may not be formal, or both. For me, formal means praying scripture, saying precise things, or praying according to a rigid structure. I think of informal as rambling about whatever is on my mind, saying whatever is on my heart with no clear direction.

What separates discourse prayers from chat prayers is the former might be longer, said out loud, either in private or in a group, and are usually more serious. I block out all distractions and focus on talking with God like I would a friend, parent, or teacher, who I want to spend time with and glean knowledge or comfort from. And because God already knows everything, it’s easier to confess shortcomings to Him and ask for His help in the future.

When I practice discourse prayer, I will take the time to be silent before God. I try to block out my own thoughts and listen for anything He is trying to tell me. Sometimes I receive comfort, sometimes a solution to a problem from having talked through the situation will come to me. There have been a couple of special times in my life where I believe I got a direct reply from God; those moments were different. A new, random thought came to me whose origin could not be explained; a thought that I could never have come up with on my own, that was so different from my previous thoughts, it was incredible it came to me all. But even if none of the above happens, I still give Him space to speak, then I praise Him after.

How often should you do it?

Again, there is no right or wrong answer to this. My chat prayers happen nearly constantly, whereas my discourse prayers happen maybe once or twice a month. I can tell a difference in myself the more I pray. Like I said, prayer cultivates your relationship, much as talking to a spouse would. The more time you spend with God, the closer to Him you become.

Is it really as powerful as people say it is?

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I believe the answer is yes. I’ve already mentioned receiving comfort after a prayer. That’s the bare minimum I’ve experienced in my life. When I was a child, my dad had a severe nosebleed while working a night shift. He’s familiar with nosebleeds and did all the usual things to stop it, but nothing worked. He called my mom, asking her to pick him up and take him to the hospital. My mom got us kids in the car and we were driving in the middle of the night to help him. My mom prayed hard for healing over his nose. When the last syllable of the prayer left her lips, my dad called her. The bleeding stopped.

When I was a teenager, I had a week of depression. It was a strange occurrence for me, who is usually so patient and happy. It was a rough time for my family, and I thought about death a lot. I wasn’t contemplating suicide (yet), but I would wonder things like, “What would happen if a snake jumped out of this bush and bit me and I died?” and similar things. I told my mom because it freaked me out that I was having these thoughts. She prayed with me. She prayed hard, as I’d never heard her pray before. I was instantly relieved of that spirit of depression. Those thoughts didn’t come to me again.

Of course, I’ve prayed for things that haven’t happened, such as healing for family who have chronic medical conditions they developed due to an accident. I’ve prayed for God to heal people of depression like He did me, and it hasn’t happened (yet). I’ve prayed for many things I don’t have, and I have to trust that God knows better.

It’s not easy. Sometimes I grow impatient and push for things that don’t turn out so well, or I grow angry with God for delaying on promises I believe are mine to enjoy. However, it’s prayer that always brings me back, helps me see my errors, and gives me peace in the waiting.

Prayer is simple. It is communication with the Creator of the universe. There is no limit to the number of prayers you can make. It is possibly the most powerful gift we humans have on earth. Don’t take it for granted. And if God ever says no to something, look for what He is saying yes to.

-Beth

Twist of Fate

Caleb jumped behind a truck and ducked his head. The Wonak swung his swords, just missing Caleb’s hair. Caleb moved around the truck and aimed at his foe. Just as he finished him off, another jumped him from behind, but his son Jack caught the blow.

“Jack!” he shouted, as the young man fell limp. Caleb charged the Wonak. “No!” He shouted as the world spun around him in great blue and purple lights. The battlefield disappeared, and so did the Wonak.

Before Caleb could get a grip, he found himself standing at headquarters, except, it looked more like it did eight years ago, not the way it did yesterday. Several people stared at him in confusion.

“General Brady?” Caleb asked. The general looked younger, but that didn’t stop Caleb from recognizing him.

“General?” he said. “There is no General Brady here. If there were, I would know it.”

Caleb saw the insignia on the man’s collar. “Major Brady?”

Brady looked at Caleb and studied him hard. “Do I know you?”

Caleb shook his head. This wasn’t right. His thoughts became clouded with the screams of his brothers in arms. The image of his son dying next to him pierced his eyes. “I have to get back,” he said. “Let me go back!”

“Where did you come from?”

Caleb looked at the Major with confused frustration. “I came from the battle happening right now, in Bristol. I have to go back.”

“There isn’t a battle in Bristol,” said the Major.

Caleb stammered breathlessly. “B-b-b-but the Wonak, a-a-a-and the lab. It’s under attack. Our last hope to stop those monsters is there in Bristol, and the Wonak found it. We’re defending it, sir. I need to go back.”

“There is no such thing as a Wonak. There is no secret lab in Bristol. Sir, are you okay?”

Caleb’s head spun. He felt like falling, but he fought it off. A soldier had to keep control, always. “Where are we?” he said. “Where am I? I can get back on my own if I know where I am.”

“You’re in Trenton, New Jersey, sir. There’s no getting to Bristol in your condition.”

“No… I can’t be… How? How do you not know about the Wonak? Everyone knows. Especially Trenton, New Jersey. It’s where the Wonak first landed.”

“There is no such thing as a Wonak, sir.” The major waved his hand and within seconds, two MPs were taking Caleb’s arms.

“You don’t understand. The fate of the world lies in Bristol,” Caleb called as he was taken to another room.

∞θ∞ Three Weeks Later ∞θ∞

Caleb lay on his bed in the New Jersey Veteran’s Home, a place he and Jack had volunteered at many times, but never dreamed he would live in. He had been transported back 15 years. It was 5 years before the landing of the Wonak. No one really believed him, though they tried to keep from upsetting him with their disbelief. If he didn’t have the uniform, the knowledge of combat, or the scars of battle, he might have been in an insane asylum, not the veteran’s home.

He was diagnosed with PTSD and placed in a room by himself. They told him to write down everything he knew, everything he saw, just before he was transported. Something about writing making things easier to process, to help him cope. He gave it a shot. After all, he and Jack used to donate journals to the home for exactly that purpose.

He described the scenes in excruciating detail, then put the journal down, planning on never reading it again. As soon as he could find an incinerator, he would burn it.

A little boy walked into his room when his hand left the cover. He had short blond hair and blue eyes, with dimples on his cheeks. His cheery disposition warmed Caleb’s heart, then shattered it. This was ten-year-old Jack.

“Hello, sir,” Jack saluted. He placed a fresh journal next to the used identical journal. Caleb should have recognized the cover of the first one when it was given to him.

He wanted to say something, but he couldn’t. Wouldn’t. He knew he would break down in tears if he said anything to Jack.

“I hope you feel better soon,” Jack said. He turned to leave, but Caleb stopped him.

“Can I give you a hug?” he asked.

Little Jack nodded and hugged Caleb, who struggled to let him go. But the boy was kind and understanding beyond his years.

Caleb let go and wiped his eye as he said, “Please, take the journal to another man who needs it. I already have one.”

“Yes, sir.” Jack picked up the journal and left.

Caleb let the tears fall a few minutes before deciding to pick up the journal again. He didn’t know what to write, but the nurses told him to write whatever he thought, whenever he felt he needed to let something go. He turned the pages to see that they were all blank. Everything he had written was gone.

Caleb’s head ached and his chest burned. Jack had picked up the wrong journal. He jumped to his feet and ran down the hall, searching recklessly for the boy. He came to a stop when he saw him staring at the pages of the journal.

Caleb rushed to his side and demanded the journal be returned. Jack looked up at him with shock. His hands shook, and his eyes stared blankly with tears beginning to well up. Caleb got on one knee and looked the boy in the eye.

“Is this me?” Jack asked, voice trembling.

Caleb’s eyes dropped.

“I know who you are,” Jack continued. “You’re the one who claimed to be from the future. You look so much like my daddy.”

“You’d believe a crazy old man like me?”

“Only if you can answer this one question. When is my birthday?”

Caleb looked at Jack again. He struggled to decide if he should answer truthfully, but he never lied to Jack before. He wasn’t going to start now. He looked away again and said, “June 5th, 2089.”

“It is me.”

Caleb put his hands on his son’s shoulders. “Look at me,” he said, “You are the bravest boy I have ever known. You do great things for our world, son. And… I…” He wrapped his arms around Jack, wishing he could tell him to not join the army. He wanted to tell him to stay out of the fight and do other things, but he couldn’t.

The boy embraced him back and said, “I love you.”

Before Caleb could react, the screech of a Wonak pierced his ears. Nurses screamed in the halls, and guns fired. Caleb turned to see the Wonak, the one that brought him here, running toward him.

Caleb grabbed a chair and charged the Wonak. Each of its four arms carried a sword, and its four legs kept it steady and fast. Its mouth hung open in raging screeches and gleaming teeth, dripping with acid. Caleb knew the dripping meant it was getting ready to spray. He held the chair up, the metal feet pointed at the creature.

Acid flew across the air and landed on the underside of the seat. Caleb yelled as he pierced the Wonak with the chair’s legs. The creature cried in pain as it reached for the time jump charge. Caleb threw the chair aside and grabbed onto the creature’s body. The white walls of the veteran’s home turned to blue and purple lights. Then the lights disappeared, and the brown battlefield that they had left reappeared.

Caleb looked around. They had landed just a few yards from the Bristol lab. The Wonak held its wounds with two arms. It roared soul-piercing screams just before charging him again. Caleb saw a fresh grenade near the body of another soldier. He picked it up and threw it at the Wonak.

A flash of light blinded Caleb for only a second. He felt his body; no burns. He looked around. He was standing a few feet from the smoking carcass of the Wonak. He looked behind him, and there stood Jack, with a time charge in his hand.

Caleb embraced him and said, “What? How?”

“You saved my life with your journal, dad. Now I’m here to save yours.”

(featured photo from https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Time-Travel.jpg)

Acceptance

What do you do when the routine you worked so hard to establish is instantly taken away, and the people you were used to seeing every day are suddenly gone? What do you do when you had slowly dug a hole of depression for yourself, just deep enough that when you fell in, no one could pull you out? They reached their hands in, but you didn’t have the strength or willingness to grab on. You may have touched a few fingers, but it was never enough. What do you do?

I’m going to tell you what I did, but I’d like to clarify. I’m not a therapist, and the three times I believe I can claim to have had depression only lasted about a week each. I don’t have experience with severe depression, and this post may not help anyone, but it could help someone, and that’s why I write, to maybe help at least one person out there.

First, I want to apologize. I know I said I would post two blogs and a short story a month, and last month I failed epically. The question above is the reason why. April was the last month of the semester, and it was filled with school productions, final projects, and tutoring, all while I riding an emotional roller coaster.

I had a rigid schedule each week: Breakfast, job, class, lunch, class, study or more job, dinner, and maybe another class. I spent mealtime with my friends during the week, and there were a select few I might see a movie with on weekends. Those were my favorite moments. But in April, it hit me how little of those times we have left, both before the summer and before graduation.

I only need seven more classes to graduate, just one school year, meaning my friends would go back to their various homes, and the dreaded life after college would begin. Additionally, my favorite boss (I haven’t had many, I admit, but I know a good one when I have one) announced her retirement. Finally, the person I had grown a crush on made it clear he did not feel the same way. This all happened at the same time as I fell behind on homework, threatening my grades. I became so distraught, my friends worried about me.

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It wasn’t the worst depression I’ve had. All I wanted to do was sleep and cry in my room. I found it difficult to make conversations, and I struggled to focus on anything besides what made me sad, then I’d cry again, and I couldn’t fix any of it. Though I knew I needed to pray deeper than the average meal blessing, I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

What did I do? To be honest, I don’t I was the one who did anything. I kept up with my homework deadlines. I knew I had control over that, and I wanted to do my best. Perhaps that’s what started my recovery. I asked one of my closer friends for help editing my essays. I was second-guessing everything and I needed another pair of eyes. Somehow, in the middle of the emails, he gave me bits of encouraging words that meant more to me than what anyone else had said to that point, if only because he’s not the sentimental type. God used him to jump into that hole I dug and yank me out, even if he didn’t know that’s what he was doing.

It was after those emails I cried my hardest. I allowed myself to feel all the emotions I’d been trying to control. I sat on the floor, ripped an empty tissue box into pieces, and threw them into the trash one by one as my tears soaked the carpet. I asked myself, “Why do I feel like this? This is so dumb!” I mentally listed all the stuff bothering me to figure out what the catalyst was for this behavior. It all hurt, but one thing hurt more, the fact the person I liked didn’t reciprocate my feelings. I thought I was being ridiculous. Compared to everything else I was going through, and what I knew my friends and family were going through, it felt insignificant. I had to accept the fact it hurt anyway. My heart was broken, I had to cry it out, and I had to accept that was okay to do.

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I acknowledged these things hurt. I accepted the feelings and let them run their course. But I also had to recognize that I was still safe. I have friends who love me, professors who believe in me, and family who couldn’t wait to have me back home. I had been ignoring them and their words, and all the while God was whispering through them.

That’s another thing that helped me through: a tender heart toward God. A sermon I heard while visiting a church the previous month was over King Josiah in II Kings 22. The pastor discussed how a tender heart is open to God’s lead. I’d changed a lot during the semester, growing closer to God. Most of that growth happened in my little dorm room (another thing that upset me. After May 6th, I would never see that room again). I wondered if I lacked conviction, if maybe I was changing too easily. But that sermon helped me realize I had a tender heart toward God, and I wasn’t letting just any idea enter that heart.

God had been whispering through my friends, even my tutees. During one tutoring session, a student in a Bible class read one of her textbook highlights out loud. It said: “Perhaps the word you need to hear from God today is this: ‘Wait for me to finish.’ In the darkness of my distress over what was broken, I had forgotten to wait in hope for God to make all things new.” I took a picture of that quote. Two days later, the email discussions took place, and that afternoon was when I accepted my feelings.

A week later, when it was time to pack up and move out, I felt sad again. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to the room I’d spent nearly nine months of my life in. By this time, I knew I needed to talk to God more. I said a quick, tiny prayer: “God, please help me.” I shed maybe three tears at the most, that was it, and it was because I felt God say: “Let it go.” He had done so much work in there, but leaving it didn’t mean that work was staying behind. It was going with me in my heart. My growth, worth, and relationships were not tied to that room. They were wrapped up in God, who was going with me.

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I’m only a few days removed from the semester. So, some of these things still hurt, and I’ll have a few quiet, private tears. But I’m not in the hole anymore. I can see the sun and I’m working on a new routine and doing things I’ve been wanting and needing to do but couldn’t because of classes. Now my biggest hurdle is finding a new routine, and that feels so much easier, though it’s still hard. Haha!

Keep a tender heart toward God. Listen to His whispers. Know that your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to feel them. If you feel like no one loves you, know that I already do. You are a beautiful child of God created in His image, and that’s enough. I pray that this post touches you somehow, even if it’s in the smallest way, or months down the road. And I look forward to writing more very soon.

-Beth

A Quarter of Conviction

What do you do when you are absolutely terrified to do something important? Well, that’s the question I had to answer yesterday. What do I have to do that is so important yet terrifying? It’s something simple, really. In fact, many people don’t have a problem with it, some even want to do it. I have to give a presentation in front of a large group of strangers.

Yeah, I can’t explain it, but it scares me almost as much as that time my town had a tornado warning. My legs shook like I was in a cartoon, and they wouldn’t stop. Thankfully, my legs aren’t shaking over this presentation, but I have been wanting to sleep a lot, cry a lot, run and hide, and yell at people. I’ve had so much stress that some of my hair fell out, and I’ve had minor headaches, stomachaches, and muscle cramps. Heck, when I submitted my paper for consideration, I felt like I was going to throw up.

If this bothers me so much, why did I submit my paper? Well… two of my favorite professors wanted me to and I didn’t think it would get accepted. Jokes on me I guess, because here I am, in the car with those two professors and another student presenter, on our way to the conference.

That’s right, as I’m writing this, I haven’t done the thing yet. But don’t worry, I’ll have an update at the end of this post as to the results of the big day. I wanted to give a perspective before and after the event, because something interesting happened last night that has me only normally nervous today.

So, I knew I had to face my fears. I went to my favorite place of prayer and sat alone in the dark just pouring out everything to God that had been bothering me lately, especially the presentation. I was completely honest with Him, which helped me be honest with myself. It’s a practice I started late last year and I highly recommend it.

I have so many supporters in this, friends, family, and professors, but I still felt alone. I realized it was because I will be alone, up there, giving my presentation. At the end of the day, it’s all on me and no one can help. I felt inadequate. I never wanted to do this in the first place. How was I going to overcome these things?

I needed to talk to someone, someone who had been in my position, someone who I hadn’t already complained to a hundred times, someone who wasn’t simply another supporter. I didn’t know who that would be, though. I began thinking, and my thoughts led me to George Washington. I knew he didn’t want to be president. In fact, nothing bothered him more, but he did it. Oh boy did I wish I could talk to him. Sure, a presentation can’t measure up to running a nation, but still, it would be helpful to hear from him.

The great thing about college life is the campus library stays open super late, and it has a ton of history books. Hadn’t I seen some books containing writings by Mr. Washington himself? I made my way to the very book I needed, sat down, and opened it up. What I saw inside was a mirror.

He wrote about his selection as president several times, either as letters to friends or as a formal acceptance to congress. With each new letter, he complained about his new job more and more. Each time he did he made it clear he was not happy. Each letter expressed his desire to stay home. He even confessed he feared he was inadequate for the job! That’s right, George Washington believed he didn’t have what it took to be president. He also feared his objections would not be remembered. However, I saw something he had that I didn’t: conviction.

He always ended his rants with the conviction that it was his duty to serve the people of the United States, and he simply could not let them down.

I walked back home slowly, contemplating my “conversation” with Mr. Washington. Something else came to my mind, a quote from the movie The Princess Diaries: Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something is more important than fear. My presentation’s thesis stated that amazing things can be accomplished when one is brave enough to act on their convictions.

What conviction did I have? None. What was more important than my fear? I didn’t know. I can’t tell you how or when it clicked for me. Actually, click is too quick a word. I gently came to a conclusion, like the steady stream of sand through an hourglass. My conviction was I wasn’t doing this for myself. In fact, now that I’m sitting in the hotel room, I don’t know why I ever thought it was about me. I’m representing my school, and I’m telling an important story. Somehow, that gave me peace for the presentation.

The Quarter I found

Once I realized that, just before getting back home last night, I happened to spot something glinting in the grass before me. I reached out and picked up a quarter, with George Washington’s profile facing me. I’m keeping this quarter, and it’s going to be in my hand every time I do something scary, to remind me to choose conviction over fear.

The situation will change, and there will be a conviction to accommodate it, but you can accomplish great things if you judge your conviction more important than your fear.

-Beth

P.S. It’s the day after the presentation and I’m feeling fantastic. It was so simple and fun, and that “large group of strangers” was a staggering crowd of 9 strangers and 4 supporters. I can’t believe I was so scared before. Yeah, the presentation wasn’t perfect, but it was good. I’m glad I did it, and even more glad it’s over. Looking back, though, I can’t believe I made such a big deal out of it. I guess when all you do is look at fear, its size can become deceiving, blocking out any glimmer of beauty from sight.

Nonetheless, I now have some new tools in my box, and that’s what’s most important. This was never about the destination, it has always been about what I can learn along the journey. I’d say I’ve learned a lot, and I can’t wait to see what God has planned for these tools He gave me.

Adventuring Together: An Origin Story

Once upon a time, there was a lonely girl with aspirations to become a writer. She had written a story once, one that perhaps wasn’t that good. But it was her first child, and she honored it as such, but she knew it was time to move on.

She wandered from one kingdom to another, in search of the inspiration she needed to produce a new story. She tried her hand at many ideas she had accumulated over the years, but none of them ever matured.

Then one day, all her plans were thrown for a spin. A great sickness spread across the land. No kingdom was safe. Old castles fell, new ones were erected, and dormant ones revived. The lonely girl entered this castle, shivering in fear.

Those fears were quickly bated, though, for the occupants were some of the most amazing yet kind people she had ever met. They too had aspirations to become writers. Suddenly the girl felt less alone. Instead, she found a home.

The girl fit right into this castle and quickly welcomed newcomers with the same sweet vigor as the others. As the little family grew, and they realized that they had something special between them, they decided to pursue their dream together. They began writing in fun, not afraid to share with each other what strange new worlds their brains concocted.

When their stories accumulated in a tall pile in the attic, they thought they might as well send their stories out into the world. For why should they hoard these treasures for themselves when they could be doing so much good outside the castle?

They couldn’t let just any story out the door though. No, they had to put them through the toughest of tests. When the stories had matured through trial and error, the first of the little army was ready to march.

The girl was nearly as exhausted as the stories were, but she had hope the hard work would pay off. She looked around at all the excited, anxious faces in the room. They were writers now. Real writers. And their creations were going to make their own ways in life. She thought she should be nervous, but she wasn’t. She wasn’t alone anymore, and she was a better author now than she had ever been, and she was only going to get better.

So, with a deep breath, she stood with her comrades and helped them open the doors of the castle, and the stories rushed out to do the jobs they were created for.

***

I can find no other way to better explain the incredible journey I started nearly two years ago when the pandemic hit and I was forced to find friends through the internet. It was something I never expected to happen, to say the least. I mean, all my life I’d heard about the dangers of meeting people online. But I’m glad to say God led me to the exact people I needed to meet.

They encouraged me, prayed for me and with me, and inspired me to pursue my writing with a revived vigor I cannot explain. These people, even though I haven’t seen most of their faces, heard most of their voices, and they’ve never seen my face, have become a second family to me. It’s with this second family that I jumped with both my feet deep into the world of a self-employed full-time writer.

We started a flash fiction club and decided, just as in the story above, that these wonderful stories should be shared with the world. To be honest, it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I wouldn’t want to do this with anyone else. These are incredible, talented writers, and I’m honored to be included among them.

If you haven’t already, check out Adventuring Together: A Flash-Fiction Anthology on Amazon. Please be sure to leave a review when you’ve read through our first collaborative book and check out the pages of the other authors. Thank you so much for your support!

-Beth

Wed-Day

I walk across the bridge over the river, thinking about what my mother told me last night, a Wednesday night. She said that I was betrothed to a rich count from another country. She also said I was allowed to choose the day. It was a mercy she extended since the arrangement was made without my consent.

My father was ill, and being the eldest of three sisters, I needed to marry well for our security. One might think a duchess would not need to marry for money. The truth was the country had been limping along for years; everyone was struggling, and the royal family was the cause of it all. At least, that was how the citizens saw it.

But, country matters were not my current concern. My mother had praised the count’s claim to money and boasted about how it would help us. It is a true shame a man below my station has more money than I do, a fact forcing me to give up all hope of marrying the one man I truly loved.

“I have always wanted a wedding on a Wednesday,” I told her.

“Which Wednesday would you prefer?” she asked. “The sooner the better.”

I bet she regretted saying the last part, for I said, “This Wednesday. A week from today.”

She gasped, her hand flying to her chest. She hurried away to start preparations, even though the sun was already down.

I’m sure I had succeeded in serving perfect revenge setting the date as I did. Perhaps I should have been a little more forgiving since she did let me choose. Two weeks might have been nicer. But I couldn’t change it now.

I leave my thoughts as I see my sisters running toward me. They must have just received the news.

“Why Wednesday?” they yell at me from across the river. “Why not a Saturday or a Sunday?”

“Wed-day,” I answer with a sly smile.

They scoff. “You made your wedding day into a pun?”

I smirk and continue walking.

~*~

It is Sunday, and I stand in the grand parlor, waiting to meet my finance before attending worship. However, no one knows I’m here. They all think I’m late or being rebellious. I want to meet my future husband without a grand ceremony. I disguised myself, changing my form to that of a simple maid. No one knew I had such a gift. I’d never revealed it to anyone.

“It seems the Count will not be coming down today,” says the count’s valet as he enters the room.

“Apparently the duchess will not either,” says my mother. My mother and sisters leave disappointed, but the valet stays.

I decide to dust. Dusting helps me relax when I need to think about things, and I needed to think about a lot of things right now. What was I going to take with me come Thursday morning? I hope the count is not a big, bald, old man. Surely my mother would not subject me to such a thing, but she was getting rather desperate.

After musing for a while, I notice the valet is still lurking in the halls.

“Shouldn’t you be tending to your master?” I say coldly.

“I did not expect such a fine accent from a maid,” he retorts.

I turn my face away, glaring at him from the corner of my eye.

He walks around the room, looking at our portraits and antiques. “I understand the prince is making new investments to help your little country,” he says as if mindlessly thinking out loud.

“I have it on good authority that he considers it. I hope with all my heart he follows through with the plans. We had discussed that it was not an uncertain thing like the investments his father made. He would be putting money into mines that are proven to be good and strong. That’s not even to mention the trade routes.”

“You and the prince had discussed this?” he asks.

I gasp. “Pardon me, what did you say?”

His eyes scan my body up and down. I feel almost naked as he does it. I quickly leave his presence.

He follows me though. I feel my throat swell in uneasiness. I’ve never been stalked before, and I as a maid have far less protection than a duchess.

I step into a dark corridor to get out of his sight. I quickly change into my natural form before he can follow. I move across the hall in silent haste to pretend I had come from a different direction. I run into him as he turns the corner.

“Oh my!” I shout.

“Pardon me,” says the valet.

“What on earth are you doing on this side of the house, sir? This is the ladies’ wing.”

“Milady,” he bows before me. “I do not mean to cause trouble. I am… quite turned around.”

“Aren’t you the valet to my finance?” As soon as I say that, I realize I made a mistake. I had never met the man as the duchess.

“What?” he says.

My eyes search the room in embarrassment. “Who are you?”

“I…” he looks down at his arms and body. “The valet, yes.”

“Do you not know yourself? Are you a prowler come to attack my maids? I should have you arrested.”

“No, ma’am, I am the valet. I am so sorry to have disturbed you.”

I know he is, but I want to make sure he leaves my maids alone. “Leave. Go back to your master and never leave his room again.”

He stares at me in wonder. There is a look in his eyes I do not understand. Strange eyes of the deepest blue. But… stranger than that, I feel as if I know these eyes.

I remove my own stare and continue my demands. “Are you dumb? I said return to the count.”

His eyes awaken. He takes one more bow before leaving without another word.

~*~

It is Wednesday morning, and my mother and maids prepare me for the wedding. All I have to do is stand there, allowing my thoughts to drift. The valet was not seen again, but the count was not seen either. I worried that I had ruined relations before they even began. But at least my maids were safe.

Father is confined to a chair, but it pleases me to see him at the wedding as I walk down the aisle.

I reach the alter to finally look upon my groom. He is tall, with dark hair and… deep blue eyes. These eyes are far too familiar. They have the same wonder to them as the… valet.

As the priest gives his speeches, my groom leans ever so slightly in my direction and whispers, “Why were you so rude the other day?”

“What?” I say as I look at him. The priest clears his throat in annoyance. I had spoken too loudly.

My mind races with thoughts, though. Those eyes… My groom is the valet! Shapeshifters cannot change their eye color, so he must be one… like me.

“Why were you following my maid?” I return.

“I didn’t mean to scare or offend. I only wanted to reveal myself to you, but then you were so… brusque.”

“I wanted to protect my maids.”

I saw the corner of his mouth lift. “I’m glad you care for your household. You do not look upon your servants as dirt. I was afraid you weren’t how I remembered you.”

This whole conversation raised more questions than answers. But before I could ask anything else, we were wed.

~*~

The celebrations were a blur. So was my going away. I soon found myself in a carriage on the way to my new home. My husband and I are riding quietly together. We had yet to kiss, but I am all right with that. It appears our relationship was all about lies and I am anxious to see what other surprises my husband might have.

He takes my hand. I start but relax and watch him intently.

“I never got to fully explain myself,” he says.

“Oh,” is the only thing to leave my mouth.

“I knew you were the maid from your posture and speech. Then you said you had spoken with the prince. It was only confirmation.” He chuckles as he adds, “But I was so confused by the way you treated me as a valet, until you explained your concern for your maids.”

“Your words do not cease to confuse me,” I say.

A knock from the driver brought an excited smile to my husband’s face. He pulls back the carriage curtains and says, “Welcome home.”

I look out the window. This was the castle of my king and queen. Then it all makes sense. My husband is not a count. And his eyes were not those of the valet. I know this man. He is the crown prince! We have danced together at the balls, held discussions of the state of the country, and made fun of other royals from distant corners. We have known each other for years.

“It wasn’t just your behavior that gave you away,” he confesses. “It was your voice. It haunts me night and day. I’m so sorry I had to lie to get to you. My family has been under such scrutiny, I wasn’t sure your mother would accept me.”

I blush, embarrassed that I did not recognize him. I also agree that my mother would not have been happy with the idea of me marrying the prince. After all, she was sending me off for money, something the royals were not known to have.

“Do you remember the plans we made several months ago? To open new trade routes through the country, and invest in working mines? They have paid off. I haven’t made the announcements yet because I didn’t know if they would succeed. And… I wanted you to be there to receive credit. Not only will the country be prosperous again, but I can help your family, too. I know we are married now, but… well… I want to know if you will truly have me, even though I lied.”

“My only regret is you didn’t tell me sooner who you were,” I say. “I have loved you for such a long time.”

He transforms into his natural form. My breath escapes me as I look upon my husband, the man I wished for years that I could marry. He moves to my side and wraps his arms around me. He strokes the hair lying on my cheek. He gently leans into me, and we share our first kiss.

Just Being Honest

Have you ever been excited about a new thing, yet when you get to do it, you don’t know what to do? That’s how I feel right now, as I write this post. One of the things I’ve wanted to do for the majority of my life was to be a full-time writer. With today’s technology, that dream is easier to accomplish than ever. So when some friends and I decided to publish a flash-fiction anthology together, I knew it was time to pursue my dream. The fact I’m a full-time college student with a part-time job was not going to stop me this time.

Well, here I am, writing this aimless blog post. In an attempt to not waste your time reading this, I will make sure this post will have a purpose by the end. Just bear with me while I’m being honest. Haha!

“What does it take to be a writer,” you might ask, “much more a full-time writer?” Well, that’s what I’m discovering. See, in the past, I wrote based on inspiration. I would write what came to me, what made me feel alive inside. It feels absolutely wonderful, perhaps even addicting. But writing on inspiration is not enough to keep up the habit. Random inspiration is not enough to keep a regular readership, for it has no schedule.

As I said, I’m a full-time college student. This means I’m forced to write academically quite often (bleh). It’s writing, yes, but it doesn’t allow one the freedom to revel in creativity like blogging or fiction. It’s rigid, has to meet certain rules and expectations, and worse, it’s graded! When I write fiction, no one is going to pass or fail me as I strive toward a degree that costs lots of money. Do you see what I’m saying? Academic writing is heavy with pressure.

“But!” you say, “If you write fiction no one likes, doesn’t that hurt your reputation as an author, therefore lowering your readership?” Perhaps, but bad fiction can be forgotten, good fiction can take its place, and the author can move on. In college, your grade is a permanent record that gets averaged with all other grades, determining whether you pass the class. Some professors might give you an opportunity to make up the grade, but not always.

“What does writing academically have to do with being a full-time writer?” I am constantly using that part of my brain for work, so when it comes to play, which in turn is also work, there is not much power left, nor time. I say writing creatively, either blogs or stories, is play because it doesn’t carry the pressures of college. But it is still work because, while I might be able to get past one bad blog or story, consistently bad content will not grow my readership. And while the idea of writing for myself is a good one, I would still like to have readers.

Tenor

Now I’m going to bring it all back around. This is a new thing I’m doing. I’m writing creatively full-time for the first time, and I’m being honest up front. I don’t know how to schedule sacred writing times apart from study time. I don’t know how to force myself to write without inspiration. I don’t know if I will get these things done on time that I want to do. Will my personal writing career fall apart before it even gets started? I hope not. But it is a possibility. However, the possibility of failure is not a reason to never try. One of my all-time favorite sayings is, “Take chances, make mistakes, and get messy!” Yeah, I’m probably showing my age on that one, which really isn’t much, but it feels like it sometimes. Haha!

So, here is to taking chances. I’m sorry this post is messy, but sometimes the truth be that way. And maybe I’m just setting the tone for this blog. Not everything I create will be inspirational, and that’s okay. But honesty, maybe that can help someone else somewhere out there. And that’s my whole goal for writing, to brighten someone’s day.

If this blog didn’t brighten your day, here are some pictures of my pets. 🙂

Phillip
Billy
Chito Hishi

-Beth

A Song of Change

Sing me a song of a lass that is gone
Say, could that lass be I?

Many people know this song, but I only recently discovered it. I didn’t know it was the theme song to a TV show until well after it captured my heart. However, as I looked into it, I found out the song is not original to the TV show, and the song I loved was a unique version adapted by Malinda (you should check it out). This version tells the story of a woman who has changed, become someone she didn’t expect, someone that may be better than she thought she could be. It’s a song of joyful mourning. The current song of my heart.

It’s almost been two years since last I wrote a blog post. Back then, I used a different name. It seems fitting that now I write this first post of a new blog under a new name, as I am something of a new person. That last post was all about perhaps. Perhaps things aren’t as bad as others would have us believe. Perhaps we can learn and grow from whatever our trials may be. Whether in 2020, 1980, 1999, yes, even 2022, we can learn and grow. And perhaps, this post is a response to that one. This post is here to say, “I am growing, I am changing,” and…

Left in its place, a feeling of freedom

Just a week ago, I turned 26. I know that sounds young, but when you’re in college without a car, it feels old. When you believed you would be married by 25, have a family of your own, and have a whole series of novels written, but instead, you’re tutoring other students and have still never been on a date, 26 feels like…

All that was good, all that was fair
All that was me is gone

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I’m not where I thought I would be at this point in my life. I’m not doing what I thought I would be. It sounds depressing, and perhaps it is. But, the truth of the matter is, I am happy where I am and what I’ve become. It’s not what I had planned for me. But it’s where I’m supposed to be. It’s…

A knowing that could not fail

To better explain what I mean, let me tell you about my personal hero from history, George Washington. He was a man who wanted to live on his plantation, watch over the farm, love his wife, and care for his children. But he knew he was a good soldier. He knew the country needed him. He had a duty to live his beliefs, that the American Colonies should be free, and he did what he was called to do.

All I’ve ever wanted was my own family, a husband to love, children to care for, and books to cultivate. But that’s not what God has for me right now. I am a good student. I have a 4.0 GPA and am a member of three different honor societies. I’m doing well where I am, and when I first started this college journey, I knew it was something I was called to do.

George Washington may not have known what a great thing he was being prepared for when he was fighting in the French and Indian War as a young man in his twenties, or suffering the winter at Valley Forge as a man in his forties, he just knew it was where he needed to be, and it prepared him to be the first president of a new nation. I don’t know what I’m being prepared for. Right now I’m a non-traditional student in my twenties; I just know this is where I need to be.

Who I thought I knew
Thought she knew me too
She was washed away with the tide

Photo by Jill Wellington on Pexels.com

When you feel like you haven’t done enough with your life, when you feel like you’ve gone nowhere special or done anything important, don’t compare yourself to others, don’t compare your current situation with your dreams. Instead, compare your present self with that of your past self. Who were you a year ago, five years ago, or ten? I know it’s a temptation to say you’re worse now than you were then, perhaps say you’re uglier, or say your situation is worse. But deep down, what kind of person are you now?

I know I was lonelier. I was afraid, timid, and quiet. I thought I knew who I was, what I wanted, needed, and who I would always be. But I have grown; I have matured. I have a new confidence in myself I never thought I could. My faith is my own, and nothing can threaten it. God has led me through tough places, but He has always been faithful to stay with me through it all, and bring me out the other side stronger. He is the paver of my path, and I will gladly follow where He leads.

If you ask who I am
I couldn’t say
But I could tell you a tale

I’d sing you a song of a lass that is gone
Say, could that lass be I?

The best way to appreciate where you are is to refuse to ask the past, “What if?” What if I had gone to college straight out of high school? What if I accepted that guy’s phone number? What if I did so many things differently? We can’t keep living in the what-ifs; we shouldn’t hold on to the regrets.

I know God will lead you to good places, just trust Him with your path. It may not be what you planned, but that doesn’t make it any less good. Sometimes, the places He leads to aren’t better than what we had planned for ourselves, sometimes they’re just different, and that’s okay, too. If you feel the need to ask God why your dreams have failed or been delayed, do it. He may not give you the answers you’re looking for, but He is always ready to give you peace, and I know from experience, there is nothing like having God’s peace after pouring out your heart to Him.

It’s okay to mourn what might have been, but you don’t have to stay there. Thank God for remaining faithfully at your side, and accept the peace He offers. I pray that by the end of your lamentations, you will have joy in Jesus, even when you don’t feel happy.

-Beth