Do you believe in miracles? I do. Yes, I believe that God still works miracles, big ones and little ones. The bigger ones may not be very common, but we don’t know everything that happens in the world, and people do keep things to themselves. Even so, there may be more to the absence of big miracles, and we’ll come back to that. I want to take some time to talk about the little ones.

What do I mean by little ones? You might think children. They are miracles (by the way, you used to be a child too, if you aren’t now, and that makes you a miracle), but I’m talking about the insignificant moments that happen and we think, “Wow! That was kind of cool.” No, not the time someone paid for your coffee, but rather the things that have no real explanation except that it was a little gift from God. Let me give you some examples from my own life.

When I was a kid, my dad left for work after dinner and came home before breakfast. There was one night my mom awoke us kids, got us dressed quickly, and in the car. My dad’s nose was bleeding profusely at work, and we needed to get him to a hospital. My dad has had chronic nosebleed problems for as long as I can remember, so he knows how to care for his nose. The fact he was asking for help in the middle of the night meant bad enough nothing he did made it stop.

I remember being so sleepy, but I could tell my mom was concerned, and that kept me awake. She was driving and fervently praying at the same time. I don’t remember what she said, but I do know that as she ended her supplications as she always does—in Jesus’ name, amen—the phone began to ring. My mom answered and it was my dad saying the nosebleed had suddenly stopped. We went back home and back to bed. All was well.

I don’t think I could ever forget that moment. It was a little miracle in a big way. Some might consider it a coincidence. I believe otherwise, but that’s not the only time I experienced a little miracle. Another that comes to mind is the time we prayed as a family for the life of a baby chicken. My mom was excited to get chickens and have home-grown eggs. She got approval from the city council, and my dad and I built the coop that housed them.

We got six chickens in total, and one of the two Black Stars stopped drinking water and became lethargic. We had no idea why, but we did know if she didn’t start drinking soon, she would die. My mom said we needed to pray over her. We all gathered around and placed our hands over this little chick, who was so small she fit comfortably in one palm. We prayed together—again, I don’t remember the prayer, I just remember we were all in agreement.

It’s common for chicks to die, and professionals recommend buying a backup chick for this reason. My mom did so, but that didn’t stop her from trying to save this one anyway. Very quickly, that little chick perked up and acted normal. You know what’s even better? She turned out to be the nicest chicken I knew (I have plenty of terrible experiences with chickens), and she outlived all the other chickens we had. She adopted many of the kittens that wandered into our backyard, and they all respected her until the end.

Another little miracle I want to talk about is probably the smallest one, though it is the most recent and the inspiration for this post. I recently sent handwritten letters to a few friends, because handwritten letters are nice, and I want to use my stationery. I had picked five people to write to, and I planned to use two pieces of paper from my stationery for each. I packed them into my backpack the day before going to the library where I wrote them.

Here’s where the details get interesting. I wrote to Person One using two papers. Person Two had two papers. Person Three, one paper. I surprised myself with that fact, but, that’s how it went. Person Four, two papers. Person five, four papers. Now, if you’re keeping track, you will notice that’s eleven pieces of paper, not ten. No, I did not take paper from the library; I had accidentally grabbed an eleventh paper from my stationery the night before. But wait, there’s more!

As I wrote to Person Five, I felt the need to give them some very specific encouragement. I’d only intended to say hi and let them know to expect more letters from me, but I just had important thoughts about something coming up in their life I felt led to encourage them about, and it took all four papers—the original two, the one left over from person Three, and the extra one I grabbed by “accident”.

I can’t explain this except as a miracle. Now, before you say that I subconsciously felt safe to write a letter that long because I knew I had the paper to do so, I will say I wanted to stop writing; my hand was hurting. Writing four letters by hand is hard when you’re not used to it! I pushed through the hand cramps anyway. I had to write this letter.

Each of these events may be simple coincidences, but these are only three moments from my 27 years on this earth. I can’t tell you how many times someone lost something, looked for it several minutes to an hour in every place possible and impossible more than once, prayed that God would send His angels to bring it back, and then immediately find it—either in the open, in a pocket thoroughly emptied three times before, or in the floorboard of the car already scouted inside and out. These are the tiniest of the little miracles, yet they are the most complex. It’s hard to believe those are simple coincidences.

Is God really working in these instances? Are little miracles the only way He works now? People have said God doesn’t operate like He did in Bible times. In some ways that’s true—as evidenced by his forgiveness through the cross—but that event did not end miracles. The book of Acts chronicles real-world events following Jesus’ resurrection, and it’s filled with miracles, both big and small. Just like today, people didn’t always believe what they saw and heard.

The people in the Bible didn’t have the Bible to tell them about God’s work behind the scenes like we do now. Think about the Old Testament. People laughed when Noah built the ark. Do you think when the rain came they knew a miracle was happening? God had communicated with the one person who would listen to him and saved him from death—and that’s miraculous.

Think about Abraham and Isaac. Do you think people knew about what happened on the mountain at Moriah, how God provided Abraham a sacrifice in place of Isaac? If they did know, some would have attributed it to a coincidence, a convenience, or their own gods. What about later when Balaam’s Donkey spoke to him—how many people knew about that? As these stories were written down and passed on, becoming what we know as the Hebrew and later Christian Bible, they provided people with God’s perspective of past events no one had known before.

People in the New Testament were aware of Old Testament stories, but they were unaware of the work God was doing in their time, as evidenced in the aforementioned book of Acts. Today, we have a Bible filled with explanations of God’s work that were only known to a few. It’s possible God is putting together another testament chronicling the time between Jesus’ death and His second coming, but we may never know about it in our lifetime. Even if He isn’t adding to the Bible, He still performs miracles today.

Did you know about the events in my life I just told you before today? Do you think God had a hand in them?

Don’t get me wrong, these are instances where God answered prayer, and times when He just did something that didn’t actually have prayer before it, like with the letters. I am painfully aware that there are times God does not answer prayers the way we want. I have a previous post all about that. Do I know why those things happened and are happening? No. I probably won’t know this side of Heaven. But we do know about God’s past work this side of the Bible.

God still does miraculous things. Sometimes people talk about it, and other times they’re not allowed to. If you don’t believe me, I encourage you to watch the movie or read the book titled “The Insanity of God.” It was created by missionaries who shared what God’s been doing in countries where Christianity is illegal. I also highly recommend the book “I Found God in Soviet Russia” by John Noble. For a story closer to home, check out Christy Wilson Beam whose big miracle became a book and movie titled “Miracles from Heaven.”

There are miracles all around us. God is always working. If you still don’t believe it, that’s a choice you’ve made, and I can’t say any more to convince you. But if you ever change your mind, I would say that’s a miracle of God changing your heart.

-Beth

Hello, my lovelies! I hope you are all well.
Today want to simply give you an update on how post-graduation life is going and upcoming content.

To begin, the search for a day job continues, and it’s been rough. But I’ve been learning through it all. First I’ve been learning how to be confident in myself and the skills I’ve accumulated while in school. I initially looked passed on job listings because I thought I was underqualified. But some of my friends helped me understand how to see my past positions in a more professional light. When I worked in the church daycare, I demonstrated the ability to keep organized in a “busy environment while maintaining care and control of children.” While working on our anthologies together, I “navigated interpersonal relationships on a large creative project.” (I put these in quotations hoping if those friends read this, they will see this as a thank you)

Seeing my mundane experience described in such poetic forms boosted my confidence enough to see my past as something to be proud of. I soon understood that I wasn’t simply going to school and working part-time, I was multi-tasking and adapting to changing priorities in a fast-paced environment while meeting deadlines and cultivating relationships. Job hunting is exhausting (I bet you know that), but my grandmother reminded me two nights ago that I need to keep trusting God to provide. I already do, but sometimes it’s easy to forget and become frazzled and burnt out.

Meanwhile, I’m slowly tilling the ground, preparing it with fertilizer, and dropping in the seeds. Soon, I will get to water it. That’s just a fun way to say I’m cleaning my old bedroom of old things, preparing new things for it, and putting it all together. I haven’t decorated my room in about ten years or so. Adult Beth has very different tastes than teenage Beth. Haha! So, it’s time to give myself the room I’ve always wanted.

It’s kind of funny, actually. I saw a reel on Instagram a few days ago about waiting for the day you can afford your personality. The pictures in the reel were of some really nice libraries, desks, lounges, etc. I thought, “Oof, I’ve been there. I’m still there.” But then I stopped and looked around me to realize, “Well that’s silly. I’m working toward that goal now.”

What I mean by that is I will probably never be able to afford my personality. Do I expect to one day be making six figures a year so that I can purchase everything at once? Of course not! I’m a creative person, and last I checked, creativity doesn’t pay much money. No, I have to work toward my dreams, purchasing little things here and there until it accumulates into a dream come true. That’s the only way I will ever get there. In the meantime, I’m enjoying the beauty I crave, however small, every day. I counter, “Until I can afford my personality” with another quote I heard many years ago (paraphrased because I can’t remember the exact wording): “Don’t wait. Start living the life you want to have now.”

I know that’s easier said than done, and in some cases impossible. I mean, I would love to have my own family, have a great job, be a successful author, and drive my own car. But, I have to be realistic and work toward those goals. If I want my own car, there are steps I must perform to get there, and I’m working on it. Two of those steps are buying a car and getting my license. Those steps have smaller steps under them, such as finding a job and learning to drive. And the steps go on from there. But waiting for those things to happen won’t work.

At the same time, there are other things on that list that are out of my control right now. I, unfortunately, do not live in a Hallmark movie where I meet my true love by accident and fall in love, and get married in a few days, or a year. Nor can I simply adopt and support other human beings without a job or car. So having my own family right now is not possible. However, I do live with family right now. And I love and care for them, and they need me to help them. So, even though my family doesn’t consist of a husband and kids of my own, they are my family.

As for being a successful author, well, I’m working on that too. And believe me, I’ve wanted that author aesthetic for a while now, ever since I fell in love with writing at the age of thirteen and was allowed to have a Pinterest account at eighteen. It wasn’t until a couple of years had passed and I had accumulated (wow, I keep using that word today, my apologies) a lot of amazing pictures of writing desks cute little nick-nacks scattered across the surface, sitting at a window with a tree in front of it. I kept thinking, “I want that, so badly.” And one day, I happened to look at my desk at the right angle and realize I had subconsciously set my desk in front of my window with a tree in front of it. The desk had cute little nick-nacks scattered across it as well.

The living image before me blew my mind. I was so excited that I had it. I had what I wanted, and it didn’t take a fortune to get. I just assembled it, little by little, buying the various objects when I could spend a few extra dollars once that month, or in some cases, once for several months. I wish I had taken a picture of it now to show you, but I’ve changed it all up again, and it’s just as nice. In fact, it’s the featured cover photo for this post. Don’t wish away the time you could be using to work your way toward the life you want.

Where was I? I got distracted by the writer’s aesthetic and forgot I was going to talk about upcoming writer’s content. I mean, I can’t be a successful author without actually writing, right? So, for those of you who keep up with my Instagram posts, you know I am working on a new story right now. I’m still working on my full-length novel, but it’s still got a long way to go (delayed because of school). However, I am working on a novella that I really think you will like. I’m at 10,000 words, and I only started it three weeks ago! I’m also working with my lovely anthology peeps on a new set of short stories.

Amidst all of that, I also plan to get back into posting here regularly again. Because of all the above projects going on (what is that? Six of them, both creative and adult stuff?), I won’t pledge myself to two blogs and a short each month. Instead, I want to post one blog and one story a month. It’s more than I have been doing but less than before (which, let’s face it, I didn’t do so well keeping up with that schedule anyway 😉).

So, that’s all I have for you now. Be on the lookout for anthology updates, novella reports, novel progress, and a short story later this month. I’ll be back next month with a blog. See ya then!

~ Beth

Hello again! Welcome back to my little corner of the internet. Let me just dust off this chair. No one’s visited this place in a while. But that’s because I’ve been a virtual recluse for the last several months. I’m finally able to open my door again and say hi to the world. Why? Because I graduated! WOO!!!!

I can’t believe after 5 years it’s over. I refrain from saying “finally” over because college held some of the best years of my life. Not to mention about one-fifth of my life. In fact, I was so upset about the end of college coming during the last year that I developed some minor depression, and I even saw a counselor about it. That was the thing I mentioned learning about myself in my previous post.

Counseling from one professional helped me uncover the fact I had depression, gave me tools on how to work with it, and then helped me bring it down to a minimum. I am a relatively happy person who doesn’t like to be chronically sad for very long, so I’m not surprised that the depression was so low or lasted such a short amount of time, but it was a wake-up call. I didn’t know it could happen to me, and it gave me a different perspective on depression.

But, that wasn’t the only thing that happened, though it was probably the lowest point. The same day the official test results came in, one of my best friends and I had our first serious argument. I felt so destroyed that day, and my roommate found me crying. She assured me that everything was going to work out, that my friend and I loved each other too much for this to be the end, and that having depression did not make me a bad Christian. I was worried about what certain people would say when they found out I was taking counseling. My roommate said that it didn’t matter what they said, what mattered was doing what I needed to help myself get better.

These words meant the world to me in that moment, and little did I know that just a couple of months later, I would be repeating them to my roommate when she was going through a difficult change in her own life. My roommate became one of my closest friends, if not the closest, during those months. Now I’m graduated and she has another year, meaning I’m leaving her and we won’t be roommates anymore, which leads me to one of the main reasons I had depression.

Every time someone brought up graduation, I dreaded it. It was the day my entire life would change. I wouldn’t be near my friends anymore, I wouldn’t have the guidance of my professors, and my routines would disappear. Graduation meant the end of a fantasy world I had been living in for five years. When I left it, who would I be? What would I do? Could I take any of that world with me when I left? In a way, I felt like I was dying, and no one understood, no one knew that every time they asked me about graduation or wanted to celebrate it they were burying me a little.

Counseling helped me find ways to understand these emotions and process them properly without simply pushing them away until I was numb. I was okay for a little while, but a couple of months later, I needed help again. I really didn’t want to go back to counseling, though, for multiple reasons. They weren’t bad or anything against counseling. The format just didn’t work long-term for my personality. Instead, I found a mentor. She helped me understand a major detail about the journey I’d been missing: I was mourning.

I’ve mentioned here before that I didn’t plan to go to college, and I always wanted my own family, to be a stay-at-home mom and wife by the age of 25. When I turned 26 and I had no car, no job, and no husband, let alone a boyfriend, I was devastated. Then I found my niche in college, made such wonderful amazing friends, and I was about to lose it all. I say I was living in a fantasy world because I knew how much my friends meant to me, but I didn’t know if they felt the same way. So many times before college I thought I had good and close friends, but as soon as our physical paths diverged, our emotional connections were lost. I thought for sure I would lose my friends as soon as graduation happened. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg of everything going on.

So, I was mourning. I had suffered so much loss in my past, and not just of my dreams for myself, but my dreams for others, which I won’t go into here. Just suffice it to say there was far more emotional death than I realized or knew possible. Once I understood the fact that I could mourn without someone physically dying, I could process my emotions even more. I was able to openly talk about what was bothering me instead of simply being angry when someone mentioned graduation. I also expressed my love to my friends in letters more, being unafraid to do so, believing they were worth it. Because I was mourning, and understanding that I was, I treated my letters as goodbyes, saying everything I wanted to before it was too late. This gave me the closure I needed.

I would have been okay if that’s where the story ended, but the ending was even better than I thought possible—and it turned into a beginning. You see, because I expressed my fears, sorrows, and feelings, my inner circle grew stronger. One by one, the people I regretted leaving the most, expressed their own sorrows. They matched my love for them, and I felt more loved than I had in many years. My fantasy world became a reality. I didn’t have to assure myself that my friends were my friends. They assured me they are family, and they won’t go away easily.

I would like to take a moment to make some disclaimers. I have family, good family. Family who loves me dearly, and I know they do. They’ve been with me through all five years of college, their love is unconditional, and I am so blessed to have them. But have you ever wanted someone to love you who wasn’t immediately obligated to? Have you ever wanted someone to choose to love you for no other reason than the fact that they love you for you? Family still chooses to love you, don’t get me wrong. I know people whose families haven’t chosen to love them, and they have found new family who does. But being born into a community that loves you, and finding a community that shares your love are two different things that I don’t think I can explain.

All that to say, I no longer dreaded my graduation, and it was because of the love I shared with, not just felt for, my community. Now I am packing up and moving back home for a little while as I try to navigate an old world. I was in it for a brief time before college, and I didn’t like it nearly as much. Haha! But, here we are. Greatness doesn’t come from staying safe, and I’ve been told lots of times I’m going to do great things. Do I believe it? Well, let’s just say I like encouraging other people to be great and watching them shine. So, we’ll see.

I hope my experiences help you in some way. I want you to remember, it’s okay to do what you need to to help yourself get better. Telling people how much you love them is worth it in every way. Even if they don’t reciprocate. You’re allowed to mourn. Loss comes in so many different ways, and you have to allow yourself space to process that loss. In the end, new beginnings emerge, and you’ll be stronger for it.

~Beth

Well, it’s been a long time since I was here. I feel so bad for my five-month hiatus. My last post was a follow-up to my confession of anger and reflected on the benefits of community. I discovered something about myself during my online silence, and maybe I’ll share it someday, but for now, I’ll just say that it took a lot out of me emotionally and mentally. And it wasn’t the only thing that was going on.

Now I’m here, in my final semester in college, possibly forever, I don’t know, but it is the last one at this school for sure. That means I’m in senior research and it’s rough. I mean, if it was my only class, I would be doing phenomenally right now. But it’s not, so I’m only doing okay. Haha! It’s also a weird time. I’ve been seeing reminders about FASFA and advisory meetings for next semester and… I don’t have to do any of that for the first time in five years!

So, what am I doing after graduation? Ha! You and everybody else have asked me that question and the answer is I have no idea. I didn’t plan to go to college, so I sure don’t have a plan now. But if there’s been one thing I’ve learned over the last few years it’s this: God has plans for me, and they are far beyond anything I can imagine for myself. I trusted Him with my education, and I’m having to learn to trust Him with my future.

That being said, I do want to give you some other updates. I’ve still been keeping up with writing (well, I’ve been limping along anyway), and my friends and I have a new flash fiction anthology for you! You’ve probably seen my posts on Facebook and Instagram, but if you haven’t, here’s the information!

We have seven authors, including two brand new authors, with a total of twenty-six short stories in many genres. You know what the best part is? It’s completely free! You can download the eBook from Amazon Kindle or Kobo and read these bite-sized stories anytime, anywhere. Just follow these links to Amazon (https://a.co/d/5zKP4m8) or Kobo (https://www.kobo.com/us/en/ebook/adventuring-together-a-flash-fiction-anthology-1) to get your copy now.

In other news, I’m still working on my novel, you know, the one I’ve been working on for two years now. I had hoped it would be ready to publish this spring, but by this point, I don’t know that it will be ready this year. My characters have been giving me a lot of trouble. Haha!

That’s all for now. I will do my best to post here a little more frequently than twice a year. Until my next post. Bye!

~Beth

How are you? That’s the greeting we use these days, and sometimes asked in passing, not allowing enough time for the predetermined response or the return question. It’s meant to be a casual yet caring way to say hi. Instead, it has created a culture of masks, for both the greeter and greeted. The former’s mask helps them pretend to care or have a quick way out of a conversation, the latter’s to keep from dealing with their feelings and maintaining a false sense of independence. But what if all is not well? There are a few times people will outright say they are not okay, but by the time they reach out, they are at the breaking point, a dangerous place to be.

Our society today has made keeping things to yourself a virtue. We’ve lost the sense of community and honesty, and it’s possible we never possessed it in the first place. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t at least try to practice it. Why do I bring this up? I promise it’s not to give a criticism of society.

The last time I wrote a post for this blog, I confessed to having anger toward God. I’m really sorry that it’s been the only thing you’ve read from me in nearly two months. I did not intend to leave you with such a despairing post for so long. I did try to write something a little more uplifting, several times in fact, over the last several weeks, and I just couldn’t do it. Not that I didn’t want to or that I was too depressed. Mostly I didn’t have the time and I didn’t know what to say.

I have about 3 maybe 4 unfinished blog post drafts that I stopped because I didn’t know where they were going or didn’t have time to finish and forgot what I was saying, or worse, I missed the deadline for posting on Wednesday morning (I’ve decided to ditch that rule, by the way, it didn’t help once school started at all). I thought it better to remain silent than give you a half-baked post. That being said, I want to give you an update on my state of mind, emotion, and spirit, and I promise it does have something to do with what I was saying at the start.

After I wrote that post about my anger, I felt better, somehow. Not completely, but there was a relief. Because I had put my feelings into words, I could understand them. Because I shared it with you, my readers, I practiced confession and community. The Bible has a few verses about confession and community, and I think practicing their teaching was a big part of helping me out of one of the most uncomfortable places I’ve been.

After writing that post, I was able to think through my feelings easier and talk about them with people in my life, in my community. Some people confessed to having felt the same way at one time or another. Some were encouraged by my confession of maintaining my faith anyway. Others didn’t say much in response at all, and that is okay.

Now, writing and talking weren’t the only things that helped me. Spending time doing things faith-related activities also helped. I watched the movie “Overcomer” for the first time at random one day, and I think that helped me think through things a little differently. I began making the effort to pray again and remember why I believe in God and love Him, even though I was angry. I started participating in community worship again, even when I didn’t want to. I was doing all these things, and my anger slowly faded. However, these activities still weren’t easy for me to do.

Before this year, my faith was easy to practice. I had joy and the feeling of happiness whenever I prayed or listened to worship music. I found excitement in talking with God. But lately, it became more of an effort to reach out to Him, to think about Him, to remember Him. I had to work on maintaining a spiritual life, and that was new to me. I could pray and sing without feeling a thing. Though, I do think I prefer feeling nothing over feeling anger.

I continue to talk about my spiritual life, and when someone asks me how I’m doing, I try to be as truthful as I can. Usually, that means saying things like “I’m tired” or “I’m alright.” It doesn’t mean I’m not good or okay, but I’m not doing bad either. Sometimes some people just don’t need to know everything, and that’s okay, too. But that doesn’t mean that there aren’t any people who care and can help.

Now, community goes both ways. Not only do I have to learn to talk, I have to learn to listen as well. It’s very easy for me to ask, “How are you doing?” and then dismiss that person after their, “I’m good,” but I’m working on being a little more intentional. There are also the times someone may try to confess to me they’re not doing so well and I wasn’t ready for it (something else to consider when you’re the one talking, is the other person ready?). I still do my best to be present, though. And a lot of times, being that ear is helpful to me, too.

I had a pastor once that talked about how one’s spiritual life should have a balance between taking in what the Lord has and giving it back to others. He compared it to a lake that has an inflow and an outflow, how it’s clean and clear. But one who only takes or only gives is like a playa lake, dirty and stale, and possibly dried out. The same goes for community. Not only should you find people to talk to about your good and bad days, but you should also be a listener.

It’s hard, and a lot of times I stink at listening, but sometimes a person can’t see their counselor or therapist right away, and sometimes they can’t afford one. Our society has seemed to place the responsibility of bearing each other’s burdens on psychologists and priests. We have dismissed our duty and privilege of sharing in relationships, real ones. We have acquaintances and friends that we talk to only when it’s convenient for us. But what would happen if we decided to be honest with ourselves and each other and seek healthy relationships that have nothing to do with business, therapy, or romance?

So, how are you? Really? Leave a comment below if you need to put some feelings into words. Know that it’s okay to talk about how maybe you’re not doing as well as you’d like. And at the same time, try to be the person who will listen to someone else. That’s how real community works, and we can bring it back, one person at a time.

Have you ever been angry with someone that you still loved? I’m going through that right now. I’m about to get real in this post. I’m going to talk about something that most people are afraid to talk about. The thing is, I’ve been angry with God lately, for so many reasons. Still, I haven’t wavered in my faith, I still believe and trust Him, and I don’t plan on turning away, but that doesn’t mean I’m always happy.

I’m amazed sometimes at how people are so scared to question God. It’s like they believe He will smite them from the face of the earth the moment they have any moment of doubt. Thankfully, God is patient with us in those moments. He knows how hard it is to be human, to live on earth. Always remember, Jesus cried, even though He knew good things were coming.

But lately, I’ve been feeling mixtures of serious pain and petty anger. I’ve talked here about how I’m 26 and never dated, yet to have my own family is all I’ve ever wanted. Why should other people who never wanted kids have them? I have family members who struggle with physical and mental disabilities that they weren’t born with, but that occurred via small incidents several years ago. Those people should have been healed by now. We’ve prayed for them over and over again. Nothing. Why haven’t those prayers been answered? Just today (I wrote this a week ago) I found out that a sick kitty my prayer group and I have been praying for the last week, who got to go home yesterday, had seizures this morning and had to be put down.

Why? I ask that a lot. “Why, God? Why is this happening? Why are so many people hurting all the time? Why are there so many people living without basic daily necessities? Why are there people, like my friend with the kitty, who love You, serve You, never stopped believing in You when others have, why do they still have to lose so much?” I wish I could answer those questions for you, my readers, today. But I can’t. After six thousand years of human history, no one has been able to answer such questions.

Yet, somehow I know I can’t stop believing. Somehow, He’s still answering my prayers. The evidence is in my posts titled Prayer and Acceptance. Just because God has said no on certain things doesn’t mean He should be canceled.

I admit, I’ve been struggling to pray beyond the daily meal blessing. I’ve been seeing scripture and Christian music as cliched. I mean, it kind of is when it’s been commercialized so much. Think of all the Christian music you’ve heard, or the bags and journals that have Bible verses on them. They’re the same verses over and over again. We have sixty-six books in the Bible, containing over thirty thousand verses, to choose from. Why isn’t there more of a variety? But God isn’t a commercial good to buy, and I think that’s where our perception of Him is so thrown off. Seeing God as a feel-good-trend makes Him easy to throw away. For me, He’s a part of my life, He’s someone I have a relationship with. I can’t ignore him any more than I can my parents or my dog.

As with any relationship, especially one that’s meant to last a lifetime, it will have its ups and downs. It’s almost impossible for it not to. Think about it. We live in an imperfect world among imperfect people as imperfect humans. A relationship with God will not always be sunshine and roses. Heh. Come to think of it, maybe it is. I mean, in order to have roses, you have to have rain sometimes. And even the roses have thorns.

Do you see what I’m getting at? Life is hard, even with beauty. But, rain can be good too. And perhaps like rain, some troubles in life are short and passing, and like rose thorns, some linger a little longer. But we don’t destroy roses to extinction because they have thorns. Another way to look at it is, you don’t divorce your spouse because of one or three arguments. You do it because they’re unfaithful. But God hasn’t been unfaithful yet. Even amid my anger, I’m healthy, I’m safe, and I have a unique peace. He still forgives me of my sins (trust me, I’m human and still sin), and He’s been so patient with me. After all, I haven’t been smitten from the earth yet. And I’ve questioned Him out loud a lot, and been angry for several months.

It’s okay to ask God why, to express doubt, and to wonder if He’s really there. When someone tells you not to question a king, doesn’t it usually means he has something to hide? But God’s not like that. Just look at scripture. Look at Ecclesiastes and the Psalms. They are filled with human angst, yet they always find a way to praise God in the end. Look at the story of Gideon in Judges 6, and pretty much all of the story of Moses. Sarah laughed at God for promising her a child in Genesis 18. He still gave her a child. Even when Zechariah in Luke 1 doubted God would give him a son, but he wasn’t struck from the earth. He just lost his voice for nine months (Yes, that was worded to be funny. Gotta lighten the mood somehow). People who helped write the very Bible questioned God sometimes, and they weren’t erased. Why would we erase God for saying no to a few prayers?

Even as I’m angry, I know God is still saying yes to prayers. I know because I’m not as angry as I have been, I’ve been praying slightly more each week, and I’m listening to some worship music here and there again. I have some friends, people in my prayer group, who have talked with me about their spiritual lives as they are right now, and in turn, I confessed my anger. It turns out I wasn’t the only one experiencing this. They are praying for me just as I’ve been praying for them. Knowing that I’m not alone makes this season a little easier.

I want to leave you with some verses that talk about doubt. And I want you to know, you can leave comments about your own experiences. It’s okay to ask questions. God can handle that. I don’t think I’d serve Him if He couldn’t.

Psalm 13; just the whole thing. Read it; it’s only six verses. Matthew 14:30-31; Jesus didn’t leave Peter in the water for doubting, He simply gave him a hard time. 😏 Psalm 94:16-19 and 22; another time someone questioned God but knew He was still there. Mark 9:24; the dad confessed to having doubt, and Jesus didn’t shun him for it. And lastly, Galatians 6:2; I mention this one because talking with other strong Christians about my anger has helped me so much, and in my experience, fulfilling the law of Christ feels pretty good.

~ Beth

Happy Wednesday, folks! Today’s post is a little different. I will give y’all an update on how my summer’s going and what I’ve been working on in the realm of the author. It’s going to be short, but I hope it will be worth your while. Be sure to leave comments below about how your summer is going. I’d love to hear from you!

The summer started pretty chill. I got caught up on this blog, saw some friends, listened to Jane Austen’s Persuasion on audiobook, and even did some lawn work. I had this awesome plan to find a summer job, but that fell through. After I accepted the fact that wasn’t what the Lord had planned for me right now, I submersed myself into my writing.

Now, if you’ve been keeping up with me via Instagram or Facebook, you know I’ve been working on a novel. I’m happy to say I finally have a title for it, and I’m not sharing it with you right now. Haha! But I really think this book is going to be epic. I do want to reveal one thing for you… the genre is Sci-Fi Dystopia, and I really think it’s the best story I’ve ever written. I mean, it has a LOT of work to go through before I can make any more announcements on it, but I have a great starting point. I’ve been working on it for two years, and I’m hoping it won’t take much longer. I will say the final word count on the first draft was 89,173. That’s for sure the longest story I’ve ever written. 😃

Besides that novel, I’ve begun work on two others, maybe a third. I’m not revealing their genres just yet. You’ll have to stay tuned for that. However, novels aren’t the only works in progress. If you’ve been reading this blog since it started back in February (has it only been that long?), then you know about my first collaborative flash fiction anthology. Well, if you look closely at the cover, it says “Season One.”

Season Two is on its way! It will be coming in about mid-August. Stay tuned for more information on that coming shortly. Just know that it will have 24 incredible stories that you won’t want to miss, including four from yours truly. They range from fantasy to sci-fi, comedy to tearjerkers, slice-of-life to adventure, and everything in between. It’s awesome.

That’s pretty much it for the writing side of life, besides keeping up this blog, of course. Since we’re on that topic, actually, I’m going to make another announcement. Starting this September and going through to the end of next June, I am lowering my blog activity. Instead of three posts each month, I’m going to knock things down to two posts a month. Depending on what I’m doing, those two posts will either be a blog and a short story, or two blogs. Meanwhile, I’ll keep up with social media a little more so I won’t completely disappear from the face of the internet.

This change is being implemented for the sake of my sanity. Haha! I’m starting my final year at university, and even though I’m taking fewer hours, my hardest classes are coming up next. That’s not even to mention the fact I’ve volunteered myself as a leading member of an official school club. We just started preparations for the upcoming year last week and I’m already swamped. Please pray I have the will to say no to any more obligations. Haha!

Thank you so much for your support and readership. I’m excited about what the next few months hold for my writing and education. And I’m stoked you’ll be there for it all. Thanks for reading. I’ll see you around the web.

~Beth