A Song of Change

Sing me a song of a lass that is gone
Say, could that lass be I?

Many people know this song, but I only recently discovered it. I didn’t know it was the theme song to a TV show until well after it captured my heart. However, as I looked into it, I found out the song is not original to the TV show, and the song I loved was a unique version adapted by Malinda (you should check it out). This version tells the story of a woman who has changed, become someone she didn’t expect, someone that may be better than she thought she could be. It’s a song of joyful mourning. The current song of my heart.

It’s almost been two years since last I wrote a blog post. Back then, I used a different name. It seems fitting that now I write this first post of a new blog under a new name, as I am something of a new person. That last post was all about perhaps. Perhaps things aren’t as bad as others would have us believe. Perhaps we can learn and grow from whatever our trials may be. Whether in 2020, 1980, 1999, yes, even 2022, we can learn and grow. And perhaps, this post is a response to that one. This post is here to say, “I am growing, I am changing,” and…

Left in its place, a feeling of freedom

Just a week ago, I turned 26. I know that sounds young, but when you’re in college without a car, it feels old. When you believed you would be married by 25, have a family of your own, and have a whole series of novels written, but instead, you’re tutoring other students and have still never been on a date, 26 feels like…

All that was good, all that was fair
All that was me is gone

I’m not where I thought I would be at this point in my life. I’m not doing what I thought I would be. It sounds depressing, and perhaps it is. But, the truth of the matter is, I am happy where I am and what I’ve become. It’s not what I had planned for me. But it’s where I’m supposed to be. It’s…

A knowing that could not fail

To better explain what I mean, let me tell you about my personal hero from history, George Washington. He was a man who wanted to live on his plantation, watch over the farm, love his wife, and care for his children. But he knew he was a good soldier. He knew the country needed him. He had a duty to live his beliefs, that the American Colonies should be free, and he did what he was called to do.

All I’ve ever wanted was my own family, a husband to love, children to care for, and books to cultivate. But that’s not what God has for me right now. I am a good student. I have a 4.0 GPA and am a member of three different honor societies. I’m doing well where I am, and when I first started this college journey, I knew it was something I was called to do.

George Washington may not have known what a great thing he was being prepared for when he was fighting in the French and Indian War as a young man in his twenties, or suffering the winter at Valley Forge as a man in his forties, he just knew it was where he needed to be, and it prepared him to be the first president of a new nation. I don’t know what I’m being prepared for. Right now I’m a non-traditional student in my twenties; I just know this is where I need to be.

Who I thought I knew
Thought she knew me too
She was washed away with the tide

When you feel like you haven’t done enough with your life, when you feel like you’ve gone nowhere special or done anything important, don’t compare yourself to others, don’t compare your current situation with your dreams. Instead, compare your present self with that of your past self. Who were you a year ago, five years ago, or ten? I know it’s a temptation to say you’re worse now than you were then, perhaps say you’re uglier, or say your situation is worse. But deep down, what kind of person are you now?

I know I was lonelier. I was afraid, timid, and quiet. I thought I knew who I was, what I wanted, needed, and who I would always be. But I have grown; I have matured. I have a new confidence in myself I never thought I could. My faith is my own, and nothing can threaten it. God has led me through tough places, but He has always been faithful to stay with me through it all, and bring me out the other side stronger. He is the paver of my path, and I will gladly follow where He leads.

If you ask who I am
I couldn’t say
But I could tell you a tale

I’d sing you a song of a lass that is gone
Say, could that lass be I?

The best way to appreciate where you are is to refuse to ask the past, “What if?” What if I had gone to college straight out of high school? What if I accepted that guy’s phone number? What if I did so many things differently? We can’t keep living in the what-ifs; we shouldn’t hold on to the regrets.

I know God will lead you to good places, just trust Him with your path. It may not be what you planned, but that doesn’t make it any less good. Sometimes, the places He leads to aren’t better than what we had planned for ourselves, sometimes they’re just different, and that’s okay, too. If you feel the need to ask God why your dreams have failed or been delayed, do it. He may not give you the answers you’re looking for, but He is always ready to give you peace, and I know from experience, there is nothing like having God’s peace after pouring out your heart to Him.

It’s okay to mourn what might have been, but you don’t have to stay there. Thank God for remaining faithfully at your side, and accept the peace He offers. I pray that by the end of your lamentations, you will have joy in Jesus, even when you don’t feel happy.

-Beth