Community

How are you? That’s the greeting we use these days, and sometimes asked in passing, not allowing enough time for the predetermined response or the return question. It’s meant to be a casual yet caring way to say hi. Instead, it has created a culture of masks, for both the greeter and greeted. The former’s mask helps them pretend to care or have a quick way out of a conversation, the latter’s to keep from dealing with their feelings and maintaining a false sense of independence. But what if all is not well? There are a few times people will outright say they are not okay, but by the time they reach out, they are at the breaking point, a dangerous place to be.

Our society today has made keeping things to yourself a virtue. We’ve lost the sense of community and honesty, and it’s possible we never possessed it in the first place. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t at least try to practice it. Why do I bring this up? I promise it’s not to give a criticism of society.

The last time I wrote a post for this blog, I confessed to having anger toward God. I’m really sorry that it’s been the only thing you’ve read from me in nearly two months. I did not intend to leave you with such a despairing post for so long. I did try to write something a little more uplifting, several times in fact, over the last several weeks, and I just couldn’t do it. Not that I didn’t want to or that I was too depressed. Mostly I didn’t have the time and I didn’t know what to say.

I have about 3 maybe 4 unfinished blog post drafts that I stopped because I didn’t know where they were going or didn’t have time to finish and forgot what I was saying, or worse, I missed the deadline for posting on Wednesday morning (I’ve decided to ditch that rule, by the way, it didn’t help once school started at all). I thought it better to remain silent than give you a half-baked post. That being said, I want to give you an update on my state of mind, emotion, and spirit, and I promise it does have something to do with what I was saying at the start.

After I wrote that post about my anger, I felt better, somehow. Not completely, but there was a relief. Because I had put my feelings into words, I could understand them. Because I shared it with you, my readers, I practiced confession and community. The Bible has a few verses about confession and community, and I think practicing their teaching was a big part of helping me out of one of the most uncomfortable places I’ve been.

After writing that post, I was able to think through my feelings easier and talk about them with people in my life, in my community. Some people confessed to having felt the same way at one time or another. Some were encouraged by my confession of maintaining my faith anyway. Others didn’t say much in response at all, and that is okay.

Now, writing and talking weren’t the only things that helped me. Spending time doing things faith-related activities also helped. I watched the movie “Overcomer” for the first time at random one day, and I think that helped me think through things a little differently. I began making the effort to pray again and remember why I believe in God and love Him, even though I was angry. I started participating in community worship again, even when I didn’t want to. I was doing all these things, and my anger slowly faded. However, these activities still weren’t easy for me to do.

Before this year, my faith was easy to practice. I had joy and the feeling of happiness whenever I prayed or listened to worship music. I found excitement in talking with God. But lately, it became more of an effort to reach out to Him, to think about Him, to remember Him. I had to work on maintaining a spiritual life, and that was new to me. I could pray and sing without feeling a thing. Though, I do think I prefer feeling nothing over feeling anger.

I continue to talk about my spiritual life, and when someone asks me how I’m doing, I try to be as truthful as I can. Usually, that means saying things like “I’m tired” or “I’m alright.” It doesn’t mean I’m not good or okay, but I’m not doing bad either. Sometimes some people just don’t need to know everything, and that’s okay, too. But that doesn’t mean that there aren’t any people who care and can help.

Now, community goes both ways. Not only do I have to learn to talk, I have to learn to listen as well. It’s very easy for me to ask, “How are you doing?” and then dismiss that person after their, “I’m good,” but I’m working on being a little more intentional. There are also the times someone may try to confess to me they’re not doing so well and I wasn’t ready for it (something else to consider when you’re the one talking, is the other person ready?). I still do my best to be present, though. And a lot of times, being that ear is helpful to me, too.

I had a pastor once that talked about how one’s spiritual life should have a balance between taking in what the Lord has and giving it back to others. He compared it to a lake that has an inflow and an outflow, how it’s clean and clear. But one who only takes or only gives is like a playa lake, dirty and stale, and possibly dried out. The same goes for community. Not only should you find people to talk to about your good and bad days, but you should also be a listener.

It’s hard, and a lot of times I stink at listening, but sometimes a person can’t see their counselor or therapist right away, and sometimes they can’t afford one. Our society has seemed to place the responsibility of bearing each other’s burdens on psychologists and priests. We have dismissed our duty and privilege of sharing in relationships, real ones. We have acquaintances and friends that we talk to only when it’s convenient for us. But what would happen if we decided to be honest with ourselves and each other and seek healthy relationships that have nothing to do with business, therapy, or romance?

So, how are you? Really? Leave a comment below if you need to put some feelings into words. Know that it’s okay to talk about how maybe you’re not doing as well as you’d like. And at the same time, try to be the person who will listen to someone else. That’s how real community works, and we can bring it back, one person at a time.